


Little Varia Brats

by DCJoKeRHS



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Infant!Tenth Gen, Multi, Parent!Varia, The Varia's Elloquent Language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-02 23:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10955157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DCJoKeRHS/pseuds/DCJoKeRHS
Summary: Xanxus gets dumped with Tsuna, and lots of little infants are not far behind. (THANKS TIMMY & NINTH GEN GUARDIANS!)





	1. No.

**Author's Note:**

> RIP Xanxus

Xanxus tried not to cringe as the small child was forced towards him.

"Don't you want to hold him?" Iemitsu asked, tilting his arms to show the little brat more.

Xanxus couldn't exactly speak - when he tried, a little hand would reach towards him, and Timoteo would get goo-goo eyes.

He chose to shift about slightly, glaring at his grinning brothers.

"Go on, Xanxus, Tsuna's not exactly _dangerous_ , now, is he?"

No. Doesn't mean _he doesn't want that little, fragile poop-bag near him_.

"Well, Tsuna likes you."

The little creature gurgled as they grabbed his jacket.

_Nope nope nope nope..._

He automatically caught the kid as Ie-fucking-mitsu dumped the baby in his arms, Xanxus instinctively moving to ensure he was supporting their head correctly.

Damn living on the streets; he'd ended up helping out with small children for cash; babies can't tell on you for having a "bad mouth", though you can get blamed if they get badly hurt.

The baby gurgled happily, drooling.

**_ABORTABORTABORTABORTABORT!!_ **

Then he heard the old men talking, as Tsuyoshi arrived, a several-weeks-old baby leaning on his shoulder.

"Hey!" he greets, before Xanxus find himself, the Varia, Tsuyoshi, and both brts, out of the door with a "How about you visit Hanako and her own child?"

He hopes this means he can talk tactics at least; he knows Hanako, thanks to Fon.

The walk there is easy, as the two infants are happily babbling to eachother.

...

There is also two other children, from Sasagawa Kika, there as well.

The two mothers are also very attentive after having children, so getting focused on by both woman as soon a Tsuna gurgles in his arms is _terrifying_...

Then the parents leave, despite Tsuyoshi and Kika deciding to stay and help the Varia.

...

Xanxus can only glare at the ground in anger...

...Until the little hands decide they like Xanxus feather...


	2. I said NO!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention;  
> Fran and Bel have been aged up by a decade to thirteen and fourteen for... Stuff...  
> (Wait until the verbally-competent Takeshi stage... When Tsuna's about 2...)

Xanxus had calmed down, but now Squalo was despairing as he ended up holding Takeshi under the watchful gaze of the ex-Swallows-King, who decided they liked Squalo's hair, as Belphegor was happily "playing" with Kyoya...

...Which means that Bel is happily fending off the tonfa-brat with a knife - thankfully still in it's sheath because otherwise _Hanako would kill them_...

The brat in Xanxus' arms gurgles, he sees their eyes flash gold.

Tsuna looks over towards Levi, throwing the cuddly toy stuffed in their arms at him when Xanxus finally realises Ryohei had been winding the lightening up, only for the toy to bounce off Levi's head...

And cause flames to crackle up around them, Ryohei reeling back as his own flames surfaced, accientaly causing Bl to go active and _whoops_ there's a flame active Hibari-infant looking both curious and _holy shit they're a cloud_ \- Bel should run.

Tsuna merely giggled and clapped his hand cheerfully as Bel did just that...

 

Then Tsuyoshi was called away, Hanako replacing him and ordering a trip to the park while the servants would clean up the mess made by the flame users.

Tsuna happily sits in Xanxus' lap, gurgling happily, when they hear hurried footfalls.

"Levi, Lussuria," Xanxus orders as soon as they hear yells.

A man dressed in a servant's outfit is racing from a group of boyguards, holding a battered baby, who's clinging to the man's top and crying, close.

"What is happening here?!" Hanako roars.

The man's face morphs in relief.

"Nagi-hime was almost murdered when she revealed potent Mist flames!" he spills, as the bodyguards yell. "Save her, please!"

Xanxus' eyes widen as a gun's pulled from seemingly nowhere, only one dead body dropping as the invaders of the quiet day (and park) were apprehended.

Expectant eyes are turned on a trying-to-blend-in-to-the-background Viper and a curious-looking Fran, the thirteen year old shrugging, before holding out his arms.

Xanxus' eyes widen as the girl is handed over from the cooling corpse, blood making both the two-year-old an three-year-old freeze in surprise, most likely about to have a problem of trauma in future.

_Fuck no!_

"Squalo, we'll need your flames," Xanxus grunts.

Unfortunately, the smell of blood has Tsuyoshi's boy revealing too-knowing blue eyes, as blue flames move to calm the panicking children, Squalo frozen in surprise.

"HELL NO?! THAT ARSE IS GONNA KILL ME!"

Hanako slaps Squalo across the back of his head, before pulling out a sleek mobile...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Censoring the boys is so hard...  
> ...So I didn't! ^w^


	3. OH MY GOD W H Y ?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Parent's Meeting Bears Fruit...  
> ...  
> *snorts*

Half an hour after obtaining Chrome and Tsuyoshi glaring down at a cowering Squalo they finally announced heir arrangement.

"We parents thought it'd be nice for you, the Varia, to raise our children, especially if they're flame active!" Timoteo smiled.

Xanxus silently blamed Tsuna.

"Why?! We're killers, not babysitters!" Xanxus growled.

A tiny yawn came from his arms as Tsuna decided he'd snuggle further into Xanxus' arms, fixing everyone else with his large, innocent eyes...

Xanxus tried not to swear as he felt his ears burn and his brothers sniggered.

"It'd be nice for us to have a holiday, and it gives an excuse for my sons to experience a week of handling their future roles," Timoteo smiles, "My Guardians will be acting as you advisors and be around to help, led by Coyote."

Xanxus was starting to eel his arms getting tired of the small brat manipulating everyone in his arms...

Those brown eyes focused on his, and a small head tilt made his gut twist as tufts of fluffy hair brushed his arm like a small puppy's...

 

Three hours later, they were back on their jet to Italy, packed up with baby-items and all five infants being watched over by the six Varia members and the Mist, Lightening and Sun Guardian of the ninth generation....

The other Ninth Generation Guardians and Xanxus' brothers got their own private jet.

_Talk about unfair! These kids are hell!_

(cue five sets of supposedly-innocent eyes fixing on them "innocently" again...)

 

 

Their arrival had been... _Fine_...

If you don't count the fact Kyoko threw up and almost immediately Ryohei had wanted to hold his little sister and yelled when he didn't get his way...

...Revealing the fact he is constantly flame active and in Dying Will Mode.

 

Oooooh crap. Xanxus is seriously regretting this now.


	4. I give up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, btw~  
> The Chapter Titles are how screwed Xanxus is! ^w^ Enjoy! ^w^

Three days later, they get a rather hissy-fitty Storm getting brought in by a five-year old girl called Bianchi, as well as Shamal, who looks really, _really_ grumpy.

The singed hairs he had probably explained why.

Tsuna, at this point, is at the crawling-about-trying-to-stand stage, and speed-crawls up to the five-year-old who's cooing at the sight of the small baby, before introducing the brat Shamal's holding with a goofy smiles and _please tell me they're not staying_!

"We went to see Enrico about refuge from the Leopardo famiglia, he took one look at Hayato and directed us here," he grumbles.

**_SHIT._ **

"Why?" Xanxus states flatly, trying to quell his anger as Tsuna and Hayato have started babbling to one another with little hand-gestures that _seriously_ feels like something bad is going to happen.

Tsuna looks innocently over, before returning to Hayato.

"His mother is dead, I overheard that after causing Lavina's "accident", the Don's wife wished to cause Hayato's as well; Bianchi did not want to see her half-brother be killed by her own mother's hands, which is why she had me bring both her and Hayato here,

"They're both the Don's Heirs?!" Xanxus grits out.

"Unfortunately; but it was either let them both suffer or take them to you; it is my responsibility as Hayato's Uncle-twice-removed, anyway," Shamal states.

"Hn," Xanxus grunts, as he notices Tsuna's now pedalling out the doorway with Hayato hot on his heals, already toddling, "Crud."

They find out Tsuna's using his intuition to locate the others, Takeshi, Ryohei and Kyoya playing with blocks as Chrome's taking an early nap with Kyoko to one side, Lussuria squealing quietly as he photographs the adorable group from multiple angles...

Until a block is thrown in his face by a grumpy Kyoya.

Tsuna gurgles, "accidentally" falling on Kyoko, which jerks both her and Chrome awake, Chrome shrinking into Kyoko as she whacks Tsuna, who giggles, before happily babbling as Hayato sits on his behind, watching with complete surprise and awe, before squealing happily, clapping.

"Oh boy," Xanxus grunts, as his phone goes off.

Turning, after finding out it's Nana, he throws the phone two Mammon, who catches it with ease, soon disappearing in a puff of Mist.

An hour after, they return, a baby floating and looking _very_ pouty beside them.

They spot Kyoko, grumpiness melting away as she gurgles, Mammon setting them down, before disappearing again, leaving a Misted note hovering by Xanxus.

 _Having a Bath,_ it says, _They're called Hana Kurokawa_

Xanxus crunches the note in his fist.

"They're called Kurokawa Hana," he states.

He would leave... But then Tsuna would start crying until he returned, which is the _biggest fucking No_ ** _EVER_** _._

Instead, Xanxus flops down, cross-legged, by the wall.

Tsuna immediately shoots into his lap, Xanxus letting him play with his hands, though when he sees Tsuna's about to start using his flames again to draw out Xanxus', he retracts his hands quickly for a moment, letting Tsuna's flames calm down, first.

By this point, dealing with Tsuna has become systematic enough for it to become second nature, as Xanxus internally despairs...

 

The children are soon happily playing as Squalo and Fran are sent out on an assignment, the teenage Varia leaders grumpily watching as Lussuria has dragged Levi out the door - it'd be time to feed them in a few minutes and Lussuria was on milk duty, Levi being dragged along to help carry back the bottles and sippy-cups, as well as several bowls of baby-food.

 _Mio Dio_ , it also meant then Xanxus and Belphigor had to distract the kids.

The girls obviously notice first; they were surprisingly more adept than the boys, though the boys still weren't far behind.

Tsuna's intuition meant he probably sensed them first, but given the fact the brat doesn't seem to feel worried that much and prefer focusing on his friends...

 _Mattaku_ , how annoying taking care of these brats can be...

 

After feeding, the children took a nap, as the teens and adults returned to their usual jobs, as Squalo and Fran returned...

 

They get attacked by a group of mafioso when Xanxus is almost finished with his paperwork and is reporting in to Enrico with his work, as well as asking about the two heirs dumped there as Shamal had to go and cover their trail.

"Ah, one moment, I need to deal with some suicidal invaders," Xanxus grunts, spying the group from his window, which he opens wide enough to point his gun through.

He's about to shoot, when he sees a purple blur shortly folowed by a gold blur.

"...The brats woke up and went flame active, I'll report back in a bit," he states flatly.

"Be careful," Enrico replies, as Xanxus hangs up, before just walking quickly out to the gardens they're trying to attack from.

The sight has him facepalming in seconds.

Both Kyoya and Tsuna were standing in Hyper Dying Will, Kyoya having already taken out about half of the attacking group as Tsuna's taken out two, though apparently he'd managed to fell a third who was just dazed, clutching his chest with wide eyes.

...

Holy. _Fuck_.

Did that guy actually almost die from _cuteness overload_?!

Tsuna tilts his head at an attacker as Xanxus realises his flames are already acting as a shield, though Xanxus' have already told Tsuna to not do what he's doing to the men to Xanxus.

The attacker drops a moment later with a whimper, as the others finally realise what is happening, though Kyoya is quick to strike, smashing his tonfas into the gunner's skull, kicking another in the face as the three-year-old moves almost as well as Fon, though going straight-on instead of from the side.

Xanxus contemplates just letting the pair have their fun, though decides to step in when a pair of purple, fizzing pizzas splat onto a pair of guards and Xanxus realises Bianchi's finally noticed the current situation.

Sighing, Xanxus cracks his neck, before striding forwards.

"Oi, brats, get back to the mansion, I'll finish up here," he states.

Tsuna beams, waving, as Kyoya glares at Xanxus, before smashing one of the slowly-coming-round men's heads back into the ground, blood flying up as the children seem unaffected and Bianchi seems to be happily vindictive as she toys with the last of the men.

...Xanxus tries to push the headache to a side, as he glares right back, letting his Will spread over the group, letting Tsuna crawl over and into one of his arms.

"Mansion. Now. Else you're on Training Time," he states flatly.

Kyoya stomps on said head, glaring right back.

Xanxus rolls his eyes, as he burns all the attackers to a crisp in one fell swoop, picking Kyoya up and slinging him over his shoulder with his hands properly restrained.

"Nooooo!" Kyoya whines, before deciding to start screaming in anger when he knows people are nearby.

Tsuna just happily giggles and gurgles.

"Tr-Ta-Tuunyyy..." Tsuna grins.

Xanxus sighs, as he remembers he has to call his elder brother back..

...Maybe having Tsuna in his lap happily babbling will make things easier?...

(Yes, it did; it appears Enrico has a baby-brothers complex and hearing Tsuna had him distracted and calm enough to not scold Xanxus for letting three children into harms way...)

**Author's Note:**

> I can sympathise with Xanxus;  
> I've had a wee, fragile creature shoved into my lap, they were one, I was sixteen, and all I could thing was what Xanxus does ("//ABORTABORTABORTABORTABORT!!!//") for the next five minutes, which felt like ten, as the baby drooled on my lap, looking very "Wtf this lady's a pansy" as my Cousin (their mother) and my mother talked about how cute it was...  
> (My brother then said it had only been twenty seconds...)  
> (Yeah... I'm a big burley wimp ;w; THOUGH BIG BRO NEVER HAD TO DO THAT!! XS)


End file.
